Remix of Yukimura Izumi’s “I Want You To Be My Baby” :)
if only mcdonalds was medicine that would be swell by: P-Curly
man I dunno why this fire and those boys dieing is effecting me so much since I had no connection to them other than my sister being friends with the eldest boy
BUT THEN AGAIN I THINK LIKE…maybe its because I am honestly the most paranoid person ever and think about horrible situations like that ALL the time. Especially b4 I drift off to sleep
a few days ago I was daydreaming while I was trying to fall asleep, and thinking like, “if I came home and a man was stabbing my sister on the couch, what would I do? Like would I run and get a knife and try stabbing him and risk getting him angrier and also the time it would take to run and get a knife….my sister could be dead by then, OR would I try to push him off her on the spot and maybe try to turn his own knife on him, but risk getting sliced up in the process, and cutting off my fingers, and not being able to use my hands.
like man im so bad I honestly THINK OF THAT STUFF EVERYDAY, when Im walking down the street, riding the bus, anything.
I guess Im just thinking of those parents. Their sons died YESTERDAY and im sure it doesnt even seem real. Have they gotten any sleep? are they getting along and supporting eachother or is the stress and hurt triggering arguements and tension and they feel at a loss. WHat happens if their 3rd son dies in the hospital? Are they the type who like tons of support and constant impersonal “im sorry for your loss” remarks or do they like to be left alone? if the other sons survives, he’s still going to be burned all over his body for the rest of his life and live with the loss of his brothers as well…
I think about how i’d react emotionally to losing my siblings, you know? all the time, if I’d seclude myself like I always do when Im sad, and how i’d support my mom. I bet I’d be really bad at that
my mom’s tried to kill herself more than once, I dunno would I be able to stop her because im so bad at supporting people
“i feel bad for those parents and am sorry for their loss” is and understatment and I honestly hate the saying “Im sorry for your loss” like damn if you wanna sound dull and numb and impersonal and like you dont really give a shit but you just wanna sound polite , say “im sorry for you loss”
i hate that saying
i feel like this is really ironic because I just was like
thinking heavily before I went to sleep last night about my parents dieing and how I’d deal with it because I know I wouldnt deal with it well at all
people say im strong but im really not when it comes to my parents
i started making myself ill thinking about it and then couldnt sleep
so whenever I hear bad news about my mom or dad something just like, clicks and my whole body wants to shut down
I was in a great mood 15 minutes ago and wide awake
then I got the phonecall that my mom ran away again and now I just wanna sleep for a million years
I think the reason I can’t stand the thought of falling in love or liking someone
omg every single damn person I have seen in love acts like a complete idiot at some point
how can you be so
love makes you stupid
it makes people so blind and its really scary in fact?
that its that powerful it can change your mindset completely.
that probably makes me sound like some cold heartless person and “i dont know what im talking about because ive never been in love, love is so great, lighten up 8))))”
its not always a bad thing and its different for every person
love is so forced sometimes its so stupid and it makes people stupid
I actually wish my dad would do something really bad to his girlfriend
maybe twist her wrist or something
just so she realizes he’s a piece of shit
theres a reason he’s almost 60 and has 5 kids from different parents and isnt married and probably a few children he doesnt even know exist.